In my last post I mentioned just how stressed I am about not TTC, and it was definitely true. I'm envious of those people that get PG so easily because I've never been one of them.
I really think my thyroid meds have my hormones so out of whack that I don't really know what to think half the time. I'm taking time out to evaluate what it is that DH and I need now, and I think I really need to just let this go until my thyroid gets regulated.
I'm not giving up, but I'm not making it easy to stress myself out about it. I'm hiding my BBT thermometer, OPKs, and PG tests so I won't be tempted to temp or pee on anything. I think I need to totally put it out of my head at this time.
I am hoping my thyroid will regulate within the next 6 months, still and will proceed to the RE if it's not. I am also hoping to find a full time job, either at home or outside of the home, so DH and I can relieve one more stressful burden, living with my parents.
We both are hoping that finding good ways to combat the stress of our situation will make this forced break easier.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
So Frustrating
It has been so stressful not TTC this cycle, and I know this stress is going to continue as long as we are on this forced break.
I figured it would be easy because I stopped temping, using OPKs, and checking CM & CP but it hasn't been easy to just relax and stop trying all together. Of course, part of me wants to keep trying and the other part of me is saying that I know this break is for the best.
I guess I just kinda feel like this break is taking even more time away that we can't get back. I mean, when we started TTC almost 7 years ago, we thought at this point we'd have a couple of healthy, living children. Now, every time I babysit my nephews or my best friends kids, I can't help but think, "If we have kids, these kids are going to be old enough to babysit for us by the time our kids are this age." Then part of me wonders if it's ever going to happen.
It's really frustrating to know that I have no control over what is going on, though I am thankful that we finally have everything diagnosed so I'm not fighting an impossible battle. I just feel so discouraged right now, but I do know there's hope and I'm planning for a future with kids. I've decided that I'm going to give my GP until March 15 next year (6 months from diagnosis) to try to get my hypothyroid regulated and if it's not by then, I'm remaking the appointment with the RE that I canceled this month and am going to let her take it from there.
I also realize that even if my levels are within the normal range by that time, I will still have to go to the RE because they won't be optimal for pregnancy. Most GPs only care about getting the levels in a normal lab range, not getting them to an optimum level. I did find some of my lab results from 2 years ago and according to standards set in 2008, the levels were high but it wasn't treated because the lab that ran the test had a higher range they considered normal. This is such crap because I could have been diagnosed then and been regulated by now.
There are a lot of things that I would go back a few years to change and that would be one of them. I'm going to try to relax over the next couple of months and try to forget about TTC. The problem is that I'm just hitting the 6 week mark on my thyroid meds and I want to track my BBTs to see if it's having any effect on my cycles. I don't necessarily want to use it to TTC but I know that if I do track them, it's going to make the TTA (trying to abstain) harder to stick to, especially if I start Oing on my own thanks to the meds.
I figured it would be easy because I stopped temping, using OPKs, and checking CM & CP but it hasn't been easy to just relax and stop trying all together. Of course, part of me wants to keep trying and the other part of me is saying that I know this break is for the best.
I guess I just kinda feel like this break is taking even more time away that we can't get back. I mean, when we started TTC almost 7 years ago, we thought at this point we'd have a couple of healthy, living children. Now, every time I babysit my nephews or my best friends kids, I can't help but think, "If we have kids, these kids are going to be old enough to babysit for us by the time our kids are this age." Then part of me wonders if it's ever going to happen.
It's really frustrating to know that I have no control over what is going on, though I am thankful that we finally have everything diagnosed so I'm not fighting an impossible battle. I just feel so discouraged right now, but I do know there's hope and I'm planning for a future with kids. I've decided that I'm going to give my GP until March 15 next year (6 months from diagnosis) to try to get my hypothyroid regulated and if it's not by then, I'm remaking the appointment with the RE that I canceled this month and am going to let her take it from there.
I also realize that even if my levels are within the normal range by that time, I will still have to go to the RE because they won't be optimal for pregnancy. Most GPs only care about getting the levels in a normal lab range, not getting them to an optimum level. I did find some of my lab results from 2 years ago and according to standards set in 2008, the levels were high but it wasn't treated because the lab that ran the test had a higher range they considered normal. This is such crap because I could have been diagnosed then and been regulated by now.
There are a lot of things that I would go back a few years to change and that would be one of them. I'm going to try to relax over the next couple of months and try to forget about TTC. The problem is that I'm just hitting the 6 week mark on my thyroid meds and I want to track my BBTs to see if it's having any effect on my cycles. I don't necessarily want to use it to TTC but I know that if I do track them, it's going to make the TTA (trying to abstain) harder to stick to, especially if I start Oing on my own thanks to the meds.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Getting it Right
In order to try to boost my chances at getting my thyroid levels as well as my A1C optimized (and below diabetic levels), I'm trying something new. I've been unsuccessful at changing my eating habits in the past because in part that I'm lazy and don't want to have to keep track of every little thing but also because it's hard to keep yourself on track. I also freely admit, I don't like to exercise. I'm a couch potato.
I've tried several different things this year including doing Weight Watchers on my own and doing the Eat to Live program. I believe both of these programs can work wonderfully for people and before I had thyroid issues Weight Watchers worked great for me. What it comes down to, really, is that when you have hypothyroid your metabolism is working at a fraction of the speed it should be at optimally.
Because the thyroid isn't working optimally, it's harder to keep the motivation to continue plugging away at eating on these plans. At first, of course, I lose weight but that doesn't last past the first week. Then it's up and down like a yoyo. It gets frustrating and makes me want to give up. The only problem is, now I have a goal that I want to reach. It may not happen by December 19th when I get the results of the bloodwork for the first 3 months on thyroid meds, and I realize that's okay.
The important thing is that it happens at all. As long as I give it my best effort, it will work eventually. My goal is to get that IVF scholarship from INCIID and be healthy enough to be accepted by a fertility specialist to do it. I'll focus on having the money to pay for the PGD and doing the fundraising after that. It doesn't matter if it takes a year or more to get my levels right, though I pray that it doesn't take that long, what matters is that I get them optimized and get healthy.
I was very upset after researching what the side effects of hypothyroidism are on a fetus because every side effect was something that our baby, Nora, had. Granted, I don't know how much of her condition was caused by hypothyroidism and how much was caused by DH's chromosome defect, but the fact remains that if I had been diagnosed then, she might be alive today.
I realize that my condition did start in pregnancy. I started having a racing heart beat early in pregnancy, I was always tired (the kind of tired where I'd take a nap at work then go home and take a nap plus sleep eight hours or more a night), and I put on weight fast despite eating well the first few months.
This makes me realize just how important getting it right is because if I don't, we might never have children of our own. We have always said we'd like to adopt children as well as having our own, but when that's the only possibility a little part of your heart dies. I'm not saying we wouldn't love that child any less because that would still be our baby, but not getting to be there at birth and not getting to carry it, that would be heartbreaking.
I've tried several different things this year including doing Weight Watchers on my own and doing the Eat to Live program. I believe both of these programs can work wonderfully for people and before I had thyroid issues Weight Watchers worked great for me. What it comes down to, really, is that when you have hypothyroid your metabolism is working at a fraction of the speed it should be at optimally.
Because the thyroid isn't working optimally, it's harder to keep the motivation to continue plugging away at eating on these plans. At first, of course, I lose weight but that doesn't last past the first week. Then it's up and down like a yoyo. It gets frustrating and makes me want to give up. The only problem is, now I have a goal that I want to reach. It may not happen by December 19th when I get the results of the bloodwork for the first 3 months on thyroid meds, and I realize that's okay.
The important thing is that it happens at all. As long as I give it my best effort, it will work eventually. My goal is to get that IVF scholarship from INCIID and be healthy enough to be accepted by a fertility specialist to do it. I'll focus on having the money to pay for the PGD and doing the fundraising after that. It doesn't matter if it takes a year or more to get my levels right, though I pray that it doesn't take that long, what matters is that I get them optimized and get healthy.
I was very upset after researching what the side effects of hypothyroidism are on a fetus because every side effect was something that our baby, Nora, had. Granted, I don't know how much of her condition was caused by hypothyroidism and how much was caused by DH's chromosome defect, but the fact remains that if I had been diagnosed then, she might be alive today.
I realize that my condition did start in pregnancy. I started having a racing heart beat early in pregnancy, I was always tired (the kind of tired where I'd take a nap at work then go home and take a nap plus sleep eight hours or more a night), and I put on weight fast despite eating well the first few months.
This makes me realize just how important getting it right is because if I don't, we might never have children of our own. We have always said we'd like to adopt children as well as having our own, but when that's the only possibility a little part of your heart dies. I'm not saying we wouldn't love that child any less because that would still be our baby, but not getting to be there at birth and not getting to carry it, that would be heartbreaking.
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