It's a Do-Over

Unfortunately, last cycle resulted in a BFN and a very short LP.  I believe I'm Vitamin K deficient from years of anemia and menometrogghia and that's part of the reason why I had the short LP.  I stopped taking vitamin K after confirming ovulation then 10 days later AF shows up.

I'm hopeful that this cycle will take.  We also have some news that may or may not be newsworthy.  My youngest SIL is PG and at the moment wants us to adopt her baby.  I'm not even certain that she's going to want to give us the baby once she's gotten used to the idea of being PG.  The main reason she wants to give us the baby, right now, are because she's been living on the streets with her boyfriend and his toddler son, neither of them are employed, her boyfriend is in jail, and she's a recovering meth addict.

DH and I don't want to get our hopes up because his sister has been very wishy-washy in the past with things.  She'll claim she's going to do something right up until it's time to do it then change her mind or find an excuse not to do it.  I've done my research into adoption in our state just in case and when we see them, we will explain the process and options to them.

Not that we can afford the adoption process but we'll find a way if she sticks to her decision.  I'm also hoping that she'll get over the infatuation with her boyfriend while he's in jail and realize that a guy that can drag his 3 year old out to live on the streets and has no way of supporting that child has no business becoming a father to another one.  She has no business being a mother, either, because she has never even tried to get a job, chose to live on the street with this guy rather than live with her parents (she's only 23), and has been addicted to meth (and smokes pot regularly). 

There are times when I wonder how people as messed up as this can be given children.  Don't get me wrong, I love my SIL and want to help her but she has issues.

My biggest concern is that she is flighty.  I'm concerned that she'll stick to the decision after having the baby and in a few months, or a few years, decide she's ready to be a mother to this child and want it back.  In our state, she has 6 months to change her mind (we live 2000 miles apart) and we can't afford to bring the baby back if she does change her mind.  I know we'll have to stress to her that we are adopting the baby and they are giving up all parental rights to us.  The way she phrased it when she asked us makes me think that she does think it's going to be temporary and it won't be.  She'll have to understand that we would be mom and dad, not her and her boyfriend.

She'll have to understand that when we come to visit and bring the baby, we aren't bringing her child, we would be bringing our child.  I'm trying not to stress myself out about it but it's a huge event in our life if this happens and if it happens I want it to be as smooth as possible for her and for us.  I know how she's going to feel going into the hospital pregnant and coming out with nothing.  I don't want her to go through that pain.  I think it will be especially hard on her because unlike ours, her baby won't have died, it will be going to live with someone else and she will be able to see it living and growing up.  Pray for us and her.  I'm anticipating her deciding to keep the baby, but I guess anything is possible.

Dear God, I hate waiting!

I'm an impatient person.  There are some things I have patience for but getting a BFP after ovulating for the first time in nearly 3/4 of a decade, I want it to show up immediately.  I'm trying to maintain my faith in God blessing us with a healthy baby/pregnancy this time, but it gets harder with each BFN.

I'm constantly reminding myself that with both of my angels I didn't get a BFP until I was 3 days late.  With my first, I was in denial that I was even PG because I'd gotten a BFN 4 days before AF was due (that was once upon a time when my cycles were every 32 days like clockwork and before my thyroid issues).  With my second, it was my first time charting and I was absolutely positive that I was PG even though I hadn't gotten a BFP.  I tested probably 5 times before I got the BFP, and of course, I got it when I was 3 days late.

Since I work as a church secretary, I've been praying a lot while at work (when I have the time) and blessing myself with holy water.  KYFX for me to get a BFP.