It's a Do-Over

Unfortunately, last cycle resulted in a BFN and a very short LP.  I believe I'm Vitamin K deficient from years of anemia and menometrogghia and that's part of the reason why I had the short LP.  I stopped taking vitamin K after confirming ovulation then 10 days later AF shows up.

I'm hopeful that this cycle will take.  We also have some news that may or may not be newsworthy.  My youngest SIL is PG and at the moment wants us to adopt her baby.  I'm not even certain that she's going to want to give us the baby once she's gotten used to the idea of being PG.  The main reason she wants to give us the baby, right now, are because she's been living on the streets with her boyfriend and his toddler son, neither of them are employed, her boyfriend is in jail, and she's a recovering meth addict.

DH and I don't want to get our hopes up because his sister has been very wishy-washy in the past with things.  She'll claim she's going to do something right up until it's time to do it then change her mind or find an excuse not to do it.  I've done my research into adoption in our state just in case and when we see them, we will explain the process and options to them.

Not that we can afford the adoption process but we'll find a way if she sticks to her decision.  I'm also hoping that she'll get over the infatuation with her boyfriend while he's in jail and realize that a guy that can drag his 3 year old out to live on the streets and has no way of supporting that child has no business becoming a father to another one.  She has no business being a mother, either, because she has never even tried to get a job, chose to live on the street with this guy rather than live with her parents (she's only 23), and has been addicted to meth (and smokes pot regularly). 

There are times when I wonder how people as messed up as this can be given children.  Don't get me wrong, I love my SIL and want to help her but she has issues.

My biggest concern is that she is flighty.  I'm concerned that she'll stick to the decision after having the baby and in a few months, or a few years, decide she's ready to be a mother to this child and want it back.  In our state, she has 6 months to change her mind (we live 2000 miles apart) and we can't afford to bring the baby back if she does change her mind.  I know we'll have to stress to her that we are adopting the baby and they are giving up all parental rights to us.  The way she phrased it when she asked us makes me think that she does think it's going to be temporary and it won't be.  She'll have to understand that we would be mom and dad, not her and her boyfriend.

She'll have to understand that when we come to visit and bring the baby, we aren't bringing her child, we would be bringing our child.  I'm trying not to stress myself out about it but it's a huge event in our life if this happens and if it happens I want it to be as smooth as possible for her and for us.  I know how she's going to feel going into the hospital pregnant and coming out with nothing.  I don't want her to go through that pain.  I think it will be especially hard on her because unlike ours, her baby won't have died, it will be going to live with someone else and she will be able to see it living and growing up.  Pray for us and her.  I'm anticipating her deciding to keep the baby, but I guess anything is possible.

Dear God, I hate waiting!

I'm an impatient person.  There are some things I have patience for but getting a BFP after ovulating for the first time in nearly 3/4 of a decade, I want it to show up immediately.  I'm trying to maintain my faith in God blessing us with a healthy baby/pregnancy this time, but it gets harder with each BFN.

I'm constantly reminding myself that with both of my angels I didn't get a BFP until I was 3 days late.  With my first, I was in denial that I was even PG because I'd gotten a BFN 4 days before AF was due (that was once upon a time when my cycles were every 32 days like clockwork and before my thyroid issues).  With my second, it was my first time charting and I was absolutely positive that I was PG even though I hadn't gotten a BFP.  I tested probably 5 times before I got the BFP, and of course, I got it when I was 3 days late.

Since I work as a church secretary, I've been praying a lot while at work (when I have the time) and blessing myself with holy water.  KYFX for me to get a BFP.

Yes and No

I'm thrilled to say that the second round of 100mg clomid and 10,000 units of hcg made me ovulate but I didn't get pregnant.  What sucks is that I didn't call in to my doctor soon enough, so we have to skip a cycle since I'll be almost half way through the new cycle before I can get in to discuss the next round.

I think he'll increase the clomid to 150mg because it took 8 days after the hcg shot for me to ovulate.  I'm also going to ask him for prescription progesterone to use on the next cycle post-ovulation because my post-o temps were on the low side, making me believe that my progesterone level was low.

I have about 2 weeks until I start the my progesterone cream regimen to begin the next cycle.  I was skeptical that I even ovulated this cycle because of my post-o temps but AF arriving proved that I had.  I'm hopeful that next cycle this will work.  I've also had my thyroid meds increased because my levels were up again. I'm hoping when I go in for my follow-up I'll be able to convince my doctor to put me on Armour or Natur-throid instead of synthetic levothyroxine.

Hopefully next cycle will be successful for us.

The Excitement Has Worn Off

So, it's been almost 6 days since I got my HCG trigger shot.  So far there's been no thermal shift.  I'm trying not to be pessimistic, after all it really hasn't been that long.  I'm giving the shot 12-14 days to work and if it doesn't then, I get to go back to the ob/gyn for the final round.

It's a little upsetting to think that this dosage might not work.  I don't want to think about having to go on to 150mg of clomid for 5 days and the same strength trigger as this time.  I really wanted this shot to work, even if I didn't get pregnant on it.  At least then we'll know the right dosages for everything.

I was so excited when we found out that this ob/gyn was going to help us get pregnant but now my biggest fear is that we'll have to do the fertility specialist after this.  I know I'm not healthy enough to do IVF or even get a fertility specialist to agree to help us.  I keep telling DH that if I can't have children, then I'm not going to continue being overweight.  I'm tired of getting my hopes up. 

For the first time in forever, I'm feeling resigned to the fact that we may not be able to have children of our own.  It hurts me inside to know that this may very well be true.  I'm still praying this works but my hopes aren't as high as they were.

Another Cycle with Fertility Drugs

So, AF finally started about 2 weeks ago. I've done 100mg of clomid from cd5-9 and on Monday I go in for the 10,000 unit shot of HCG.  I'm hopeful that this cycle we catch it.  Part of me is hoping we do because we'll be due about 2 weeks before I was due with our angel daughter.  The other part of me dreads that possibility because of what happened with our angel daughter.  I don't really want to go through the same thing again at the same time of year.

The part that wants it to happen is bigger than the part that doesn't.  I'm kinda hoping for twins.  I know it'll be a lot harder on us to have two at once but we would be overjoyed by it.

Way Back When...

So, I was checking my lunar calendar earlier this week and decided to look back at the cycle in June 2006 when I got pregnant with my angel daughter.  To my surprise, that cycle started during the new moon and I conceived during the full moon.  I wasn't even practicing lunaception then but that cycle was right on the money.

Ughhh....Frustrated!

For the first time since I started using progesterone cream 3 years ago, I've had a cycle that it hasn't worked. Unfortunately, it's the first cycle using the clomid and hcg trigger. I stopped using the progesterone cream going on 9 days ago and no sign of AF. Normally, AF will start before I even finish 14 days on the cream.

I'm at a loss as to what's going on. I took a pregnancy test a week ago and it was a BFN. The only thing I can figure is that I O'd after I started the prog cream and I have to wait it out. I started temping again hoping to catch a temp drop so I'd know AF is coming but my temps are up and haven't shown any signs of coming down. I've also been temping before bed each night because I know I run a low grade fever post-O and my temps have been higher than 98.6 the last 3 days.

I don't want to get my hopes up and part of me is really hoping that I am PG. The other part of me just wants AF to start already so we can start the next cycle. I just want something to happen one way or the other.

First Trigger Shot Failed

Unfortunately, our first trigger shot failed. I think it was partly because our ob/gyn didn't quite do it right. He told us to do it on CD14-16, so we did. After talking to a few others, I found out that we should have been doing OPKs to predict when I had an LH surge then do it when I got a positive OPK no matter what CD it was. So, we have a plan for next time but we have to wait a cycle because our ob/gyn is out of town on vacation until after my next cycle will have started, but I'm okay with that because I heard a lot of women who don't respond to the HCG can develop cysts and can't trigger the next cycle because of that, so I'd rather wait a cycle than waste the money on a cycle that we can't trigger on anyways.

I'm also trying Raw Apple Cider Vinegar. I'm adding one ounce twice a day to OJ and hoping to get some positive results from it. I've read that quite a few women with similar symptoms as me (not Oing) have done this and started Oing on their own. I've also heard for many years that it can help with weight loss but I'm not a fan of vinegar and not a huge fan of apple cider, so I didn't try it, but now that it can possibly help me with Oing, I'll try it. I'm hoping it'll kill 3 birds with one stone: help me lose some of the 110 pounds hypothyroidism helped me put on, hoping it will make me start Oing on my own, and hoping it will clear up my granuloma annulare (an auto-immune related skin rash) that I've had for years.

I'll keep you all updated.

Lunaception Update

For the first time since I began practicing lunaception, I have a cycle that matches up with it. The new moon was on the 14th of April & that was the first day of my new cycle.

According to my lunaception research, a new cycle should start on the new moon & ovulation should occur on the full moon. I'm due to get my hcg trigger shot the day after the full moon (the 26th). We are really hopeful that we can catch the egg this first triggered cycle.

First Cycle with Trigger Shot

Well, despite well-laid plans, I started spotting on our vacation, but it was towards the end of the trip, so it wasn't too bad. I'm going onto day 3 of clomid tomorrow morning and will be doing the trigger shot on April 25th...praying that we catch it.

Fantastic News!!!

I went for a consultation with my new OB/GYN today and absolutely love him. After explaining my situation (hypothyroidism, diabetes, hemochromatosis), he did not once mention my weight (or needing to lose weight). He went through the info from our old perinatalogist and was like, "You've had a lot of heartache when it comes to this. Do you want more children?" When I said yes, he gave us 3 options.

1. Clomid with HCG trigger injections
2. Referral to a Fertility Specialist for more extensive fertility treatments
3. To do an endometrial biopsy to find out what is causing my issues.

After some discussion, we both agreed that my hypothyroidism and the slightly elevated testosterone (why I'm on metformin because my diabetes is a very mild case) were the more likely culprits so option #3 left the table. I told him that I know DH and I can't afford more extensive infertility treatments right now and that I know I wouldn't be taken on as a patient because of my weight, which he agreed was a likely scenario, so option #2 is off the table, too. So, in a few days I'm going to be starting my progesterone cream for 2 weeks to begin a new cycle before the end of this month. DH and I will be going to visit his family in Las Vegas in a few weeks (right after I finish the round of clomid) and luckily it falls in that in between time. Then four days after we get back from Vegas, it'll be the day I go into the doctor's office to get the HCG trigger shot.

Hopefully, we will be successful the first month of trying. We are kind of hoping for twins but will be happy with any number as long as they are healthy and full term. I finally feel like God is guiding us down the path He wants us on and it's our time. I'd still love to have a baby before the end of this year, but I'll take early next year if I have to.

Good News...Bad News

I had an incident of my menometrogghia last cycle and compared to 2 years ago when I last had it, it was fairly mild.  I did, however, end up going to the doctor's office on Jan. 5 because I wanted to be sure that it wasn't caused by my thyroid meds and also because I was having multiple incidents of rapid heartbeat.  They ran an EKG and bloodwork on me assuring me that the rapid heartbeat was probably caused by anemia due to how long AF had been lasting.  They also told me to start taking my iron again and it should help the rapid heartbeat.

The next day I get a call from them saying that they were calling in a prescription for iron into my pharmacy because my blood iron levels were very low but they'd also requested more intensive deep organ iron levels as well and they'd let me know the results.  I didn't have time to fill it that day, so after I got off work my mom was going to take me to the pharmacy since DH had our car.  Just before we were getting ready to leave to get the iron pills, the doctors office calls me and tells me "Don't take the iron pills. Something came up on the other test we ran and we aren't sure what to make of it.  We are going to make you an appointment with a hematologist.  We'll call you when we get the appointment set up."

Talk about freaking me out.  The only other time I've had a doctor's office make an appointment for me was when we found out DD was sick, so I knew something must be really bad if they were making the appointment for me.  So I wait a week and ask if the appointment had been made yet, and they tell me they haven't done it yet.  I got a call about 2 weeks ago from an oncology center telling me my doc wanted me to make an appointment.  Talk about freaking me out, again, but it turned out the hematologist I was supposed to see works there.

So, yesterday I went in for the appointment and am annoyed by the possible diagnosis. The doc says that I'm a cross-breed because I have symptoms of iron deficient anemia but my organ tests show I have hemochromatosis/iron overload.

He acted at first like I should know what's wrong with me, but he soon figured out that no one else in my family has been diagnosed with this. It's either hereditary or something else is causing it, but more than likely it's hereditary so they are running a genetic test to confirm the diagnosis. It's also possible that hemochromatosis is what caused my hypothyroidism and diabetes. My blood iron levels are low but my organ levels were more than double what they should be. If it is hemochromatosis, then iron is building up in my organs because my body can't metabolize it correctly.  He said that by having longer AF's, it benefits me because it gets rid of some of the excess iron (that's the only benefit I see from it).

The good news is that pregnancy isn't affected by it, and can actually help the condition because it lowers iron levels naturally. The bad news is that in order to get my ferritin/body iron levels down to normal, I have to go in once a week or so (after they confirm the diagnosis) and have them take a pint of blood. Once my levels get down to normal, I have to continue to have it done 1-4 times per year. I hate getting stuck and that woozy feeling afterwards, not sure if I can put up with it each week. I used to give blood all the time but stopped after I passed out after giving once and another time the blood clotted in the needle.

The bright side is that once they start doing the phlebotomy/taking the blood, that it can help with my hypo, diabetes, and reduce inflammation around the body enough that I may be able to lose weight. It also won't hurt me or affect the treatment if I do get pregnant, and with DH being pure Latino, it's not very likely that he's a carrier as Caucasions, Africans, and Northern Europeans are most likely to be carriers or have hereditary hemochromatosis.

Onto the semi-sucky part...I have to completely change the way I eat.  I said a few weeks ago that I wanted to try to go vegan but wasn't able to stick to it, well, pretty much this diagnosis forces me to go to a vegan diet if I want to eat anything and get rid of the excess iron. I can't have red meat, use cast iron skillets, eat fish or shellfish, I have to cut down on my intake of animal-based fats, I can't take any supplements that include iron or Vitamin C, can't have sugar, can't eat any foods high in Vitamin C or iron, I can't have iron fortified cereals, I have to buy water that has no added iron, and whole grains (with the exception of brown rice) are out.  Pretty much I can have very limited amounts of  poultry, brown rice, fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, and limited amounts of low/no fat dairy.

Vitamin C and sugar enhance the absorption of iron, and since I have too much iron, they go by the wayside, which sucks because I love citrus fruits and am a sugar junky (though I try not to overdo it on the sugar anymore).  Whole grains, with the exception of brown rice, are high in iron, so they are gone.  Any foods that are iron-fortified or Vitamin C-fortified are out.  I really had a difficult time with this when I was going vegan just to do it, now that I have to do it, it's going to make things harder.  Plus, I've read that I should be drinking lots of black coffee or unsweetened tea (preferably decaffeinated) because the tannins in them fight the free radicals that the excess iron produces and can help eliminate some of the excess iron.

What really sucks for my family is that if this is hereditary, anyone in my family can have this. I've tried to convince my parents and DH for awhile that we should go vegan/vegetarian and if they end up with hereditary hemochromatosis, too, they'll have to even if they don't want to.  It sucks for them since it's not a lifestyle they want, but more than that it sucks to have to watch for iron on food labels. Once my levels get down to the low end of normal, then I won't have to do the phlebotomy/blood-letting and I can introduce small amounts of foods with iron in them again.  I see this as a benefit to me and my parents since we all have diabetes because if we have to give up sugar, then we can possibly get rid of the diabetes.

This is going to be a tough transition and what's going to make it even harder is that we are going on a trip to visit family in Vegas.  DH's family is very big on cooking, and specifically non-vegan foods, not even foods that are vegan friendly.  I'm thankful to God that He got me a diagnosis and that He's forcing me into a lifestyle that I wanted but wasn't strong enough (willpower-wise) to do on my own. He's giving me motivation by showing me I can get pregnant with this disease and live that lifestyle. He's guiding me down the path that He wants me on. I know He'll be holding my hand during this transition and even afterwards, but I'm hopeful that this is the final diagnosis I need to move forward.  I'm hoping God is going to bless us soon with the baby or babies we want.

Baby Race...Maybe

A lot of women who haven't had trouble with infertility won't understand this feeling I've had lately, though a lot of women who have waited till later in life to have children will completely understand. It's hard to watch the people around you have babies when you want one of your own, it's especially hard if you have fertility issues like I and millions of other women have.

It's like every woman around you is having kids and every pregnancy announcement is a slap in the face. You dread even checking your facebook wall because you don't want to know who else is pregnant now. It was a slap in the face to me that, of all people, Kim Kardashian got pregnant before me. No, I don't know her personally but I don't agree with having a child with one man while married to another, no matter if they are in the midst of a divorce.

Recently, I attended a baby shower for my cousin's wife. I don't know her well and don't see them much except for at the occasional family function. I don't begrudge them a baby because they've had a loss just like I have. Those are actually the babies that I am happy to see are coming. Then I noticed something that really has my biological clock revving up to overdrive.

My 24 year-old cousin, T, just got married in December. It was a beautiful wedding but some of the circumstances had us questioning whether it was a "shotgun wedding" because it seemed rather rushed. We wondered if maybe because of their religious beliefs, T and her hubby weren't saying anything because they didn't want people to think they were having sex out of wedlock. Turns out she's not prego but at the baby shower she made it a point to say they were going to wait until summer 2014 before they start TTC.

Now, to a woman that has kids, that statement wouldn't bother them. After all, most newlyweds are constantly fielding the question as to when they are going to have kids.  But to me, who has baby fever after a forced 4 month break from TTC because of my thyroid, that is like flashing a sign in front of my face that says: "Warning...Your Cousin Who Is 8 Years Younger Than YOU Could Have a Baby Before YOU!!!"

So, I try to ignore that sign and continue on at the shower as if nothing is happening. After all, most of that side of my family doesn't even believe DH and I should have kids after what happened with our angels and because of DH's chromosome defect. I don't even discuss it with them because at this point, after almost 7 years of TTC from start (before getting pg with DD) to now, I don't believe it's any of their business since they have that attitude about us having kids. I know they think that because they don't want to see us go through anymore losses, but it hurts my feelings because we want kids and they don't want that for us.

We get to the game portion of the shower and we play this game where you match candy bar names to pregnancy & birthing terms.  After it was over, the sister of the mommy-to-be offered blank copies of the game to anyone who wanted it for future use. Well, my aunt, T's mom, jumps up and gets one. You have to know my aunt to see what I was seeing. She's not a planner by any means and she doesn't really host a lot of parties. This made me begin to wonder if maybe T and her hubby are TTC but not telling anyone but their parents.

So, now I'm on a mission to have a baby before T and her hubby. We start TTC again this cycle. Keeping our fingers crossed that we have one by the end of the year.