This is Unusual

I know I haven't updated for quite awhile but Mike and I had a lot to discuss. Plus, I needed to get the opinions of a group of women that I trust to be completely honest with me. We are officially trying again as of January 20th.

On to the unusual. My cycle previous to this one I began experiencing symptoms of menometrorrahgia again and it really scared me because I didn't want to experience those symptoms again. I was honestly expecting the same thing again this current cycle but it's been the exact opposite.

AF (my period) has actually been very manageable this cycle and even on the point of almost unnoticeable. I did have 2 heavier days in there but not as heavy as the cycle before this one. Now on cycle day (CD) 5, AF has almost disappeared completely. I have a little spotting and that's it.

This is unusual for me because even when my cycles were, for a brief time, normal they usually lasted 7 days. They would lighten up by CD5 but not practically disappear. I have been thinking about it, and I really think this could be because of the Vitamin D.

I have been taking Vitamin D3 for about a month now and have noticed dramatic differences. Within about 4 to 5 days of starting the Vitamin D3, my previous cycle ended (it had lasted 21 days). I started feeling more energetic, and less stressed about things. I feel like it's really doing what I'd hoped it would do.

Right now, I'm taking a combo of prenatal vitamins, calcium with magnesium/potassium/zinc, Vitamin D3, folic acid, and iron. I take the iron separate from the rest because iron and calcium can counteract each other and the pills will be wasted. I have also lost about 4 pounds this month. I know it's not as much as I'd hoped to lose but I'm just glad to be losing.

Decisions

For a long time I've wondered if we are ever going to have kids. Considering our history, it's not an illogical place to be. I'm not giving up but I often wonder: what if we don't have kids in five or ten years? Neither of us are against adoption, but we've never been able to afford it either.

Mike got laid off today, probably indefinitely, and it really has me thinking about our rainbow quest. Should we continue to put it off until he has a stable job and benefits or should we start trying again because the window we have to have kids is diminishing?

We don't want to seem irresponsible by having a baby when we can't afford it, and I know people that will look down on us for it, but part of me feels like if we don't start trying again before we said that we'll be wasting a good part of this year waiting until Mike has a job and benefits. We both feel like we pay into these state aid programs and everything with our tax dollars, so why shouldn't we be able to use them temporarily, and without guilt?

This is something I'm really struggling with personally. I know Mike doesn't really care if we have to use those programs if necessary as long as we have a place to live and food to eat, which we do but those programs will help a lot more. I also feel like we aren't abusing the programs because we are both responsible adults who have fallen on hard times thanks to the economy. But like I said, I know people who will look down on us for using those programs as a crutch. We know we aren't irresponsible people but knowing that some of my family members, including a few who have used those programs themselves, will look at us like we are abusing the privilege is enough to have me wondering if the scrutiny is worth it.

We have decisions to make, and if we are going to start trying again next cycle, then I am in need of a new BBT thermometer because the one I have is the worst one on the market.

Can't Forget

I realized the other night after talking with Mike that we like a lot of couples who take a break are still hoping for that "accident" baby. What I mean is even though we aren't trying, both of us can't help but hope that every time we make love that we catch that egg.

It's not easy to get past those hopes after so many years, and though we both feel so much less stress now that we have officially decided we are on a break, it's a thought that still haunts both of us.

Mike's family especially make it difficult to forget because it seemed like all they could talk about when we skyped with them on Christmas and New Year's Eve was us having a baby. I don't think people realize when they get married how all of the sudden the results of the sex they have are very much a public matter within families.

I think tact dictates that you leave it up to the couple and don't discuss it unless they bring it up. I'm sorry but it offends me a bit that my sister-in-law has our 3 year old niece asking us when she's going to get a cousin. If the family wants another baby so badly why doesn't she go get pregnant again?

It is very annoying to me and Mike that everyone assumes we haven't been trying for years and that it's a choice we can make as easy as changing a shirt. We have fertility issues and a chromosome issue to deal with, so it's not as easy for us as it is for women who can look at a man and get pregnant.

I am seriously tired of being asked why we aren't trying to have a baby. I am about ready to remove everyone from my facebook list who asks about it again. It's hard enough to see my younger cousins having babies and my former yearbook advisor from high school, who is almost 50, has just given birth to twin boys. These are reminders that make me especially feel like a failure. I don't mean that these babies aren't welcome and cared for in our lives, but it just drives home the unfulfilled want even more.

So, just remember to have some tact around couples who aren't having babies on someone else's schedule because it may not be by choice.