I realized the other night after talking with Mike that we like a lot of couples who take a break are still hoping for that "accident" baby. What I mean is even though we aren't trying, both of us can't help but hope that every time we make love that we catch that egg.
It's not easy to get past those hopes after so many years, and though we both feel so much less stress now that we have officially decided we are on a break, it's a thought that still haunts both of us.
Mike's family especially make it difficult to forget because it seemed like all they could talk about when we skyped with them on Christmas and New Year's Eve was us having a baby. I don't think people realize when they get married how all of the sudden the results of the sex they have are very much a public matter within families.
I think tact dictates that you leave it up to the couple and don't discuss it unless they bring it up. I'm sorry but it offends me a bit that my sister-in-law has our 3 year old niece asking us when she's going to get a cousin. If the family wants another baby so badly why doesn't she go get pregnant again?
It is very annoying to me and Mike that everyone assumes we haven't been trying for years and that it's a choice we can make as easy as changing a shirt. We have fertility issues and a chromosome issue to deal with, so it's not as easy for us as it is for women who can look at a man and get pregnant.
I am seriously tired of being asked why we aren't trying to have a baby. I am about ready to remove everyone from my facebook list who asks about it again. It's hard enough to see my younger cousins having babies and my former yearbook advisor from high school, who is almost 50, has just given birth to twin boys. These are reminders that make me especially feel like a failure. I don't mean that these babies aren't welcome and cared for in our lives, but it just drives home the unfulfilled want even more.
So, just remember to have some tact around couples who aren't having babies on someone else's schedule because it may not be by choice.
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