Decisions

For a long time I've wondered if we are ever going to have kids. Considering our history, it's not an illogical place to be. I'm not giving up but I often wonder: what if we don't have kids in five or ten years? Neither of us are against adoption, but we've never been able to afford it either.

Mike got laid off today, probably indefinitely, and it really has me thinking about our rainbow quest. Should we continue to put it off until he has a stable job and benefits or should we start trying again because the window we have to have kids is diminishing?

We don't want to seem irresponsible by having a baby when we can't afford it, and I know people that will look down on us for it, but part of me feels like if we don't start trying again before we said that we'll be wasting a good part of this year waiting until Mike has a job and benefits. We both feel like we pay into these state aid programs and everything with our tax dollars, so why shouldn't we be able to use them temporarily, and without guilt?

This is something I'm really struggling with personally. I know Mike doesn't really care if we have to use those programs if necessary as long as we have a place to live and food to eat, which we do but those programs will help a lot more. I also feel like we aren't abusing the programs because we are both responsible adults who have fallen on hard times thanks to the economy. But like I said, I know people who will look down on us for using those programs as a crutch. We know we aren't irresponsible people but knowing that some of my family members, including a few who have used those programs themselves, will look at us like we are abusing the privilege is enough to have me wondering if the scrutiny is worth it.

We have decisions to make, and if we are going to start trying again next cycle, then I am in need of a new BBT thermometer because the one I have is the worst one on the market.