So Frustrating

It has been so stressful not TTC this cycle, and I know this stress is going to continue as long as we are on this forced break.

I figured it would be easy because I stopped temping, using OPKs, and checking CM & CP but it hasn't been easy to just relax and stop trying all together. Of course, part of me wants to keep trying and the other part of me is saying that I know this break is for the best.

I guess I just kinda feel like this break is taking even more time away that we can't get back. I mean, when we started TTC almost 7 years ago, we thought at this point we'd have a couple of healthy, living children. Now, every time I babysit my nephews or my best friends kids, I can't help but think, "If we have kids, these kids are going to be old enough to babysit for us by the time our kids are this age." Then part of me wonders if it's ever going to happen.

It's really frustrating to know that I have no control over what is going on, though I am thankful that we finally have everything diagnosed so I'm not fighting an impossible battle. I just feel so discouraged right now, but I do know there's hope and I'm planning for a future with kids. I've decided that I'm going to give my GP until March 15 next year (6 months from diagnosis) to try to get my hypothyroid regulated and if it's not by then, I'm remaking the appointment with the RE that I canceled this month and am going to let her take it from there.

I also realize that even if my levels are within the normal range by that time, I will still have to go to the RE because they won't be optimal for pregnancy. Most GPs only care about getting the levels in a normal lab range, not getting them to an optimum level. I did find some of my lab results from 2 years ago and according to standards set in 2008, the levels were high but it wasn't treated because the lab that ran the test had a higher range they considered normal. This is such crap because I could have been diagnosed then and been regulated by now.

There are a lot of things that I would go back a few years to change and that would be one of them. I'm going to try to relax over the next couple of months and try to forget about TTC. The problem is that I'm just hitting the 6 week mark on my thyroid meds and I want to track my BBTs to see if it's having any effect on my cycles. I don't necessarily want to use it to TTC but I know that if I do track them, it's going to make the TTA (trying to abstain) harder to stick to, especially if I start Oing on my own thanks to the meds.