I did my last HCG trigger shot on Halloween and unfortunately it didn't work. We had a lot of stress at that time (the possibility of adopting my SIL's baby, a very unplanned move and resulting financial stress from being on our own financially for the first time in 3 years, a flight/visit to Las Vegas to visit my husband's family before Thanksgiving, and a ton of family drama while we were there) and I'm attributing it to that. After some discussion, and looking at how much we owed our specialty pharmacy for the shots, we decided that it doesn't make sense to continue doing them with so many obstacles that are keeping them from being successful.
After a long talk, including talk about will we be happy if we aren't blessed with living children or any more pregnancies, we've decided to put off fertility drugs and TTC for an undetermined amount of time. We aren't doing anything as drastic as going on birth control but we are focusing on preparing ourselves for any eventuality. We've decided I'm going to focus on getting healthy so that it could eventually happen on its own without the aid of fertility drugs.
Our overall decision is that we do want children but after almost 8 years of TTC, we are done stressing about it, so we are moving on to NTNP (not trying, not preventing). If we aren't blessed with our own biological children we will find some way to adopt in the future. Until then we are done doing things in preparation for the possibility of a child coming later in the year/future. We have put many things off because of the "What if we have a baby by then" mentality.
We have never been just a couple together and do things to enjoy that. We've always planned for a life full of children (at one time we discussed having 6 children), and started TTC 3 1/2 months after we got married, but during this discussion we decided that if we are always putting things off in anticipation of those children, we will never get to do them and will have put them off for no reason because the children won't be coming along. So, we are going to start living life like a couple who do not have children. Which means going on vacations that we've discussed and always put off doing because of the possibility of having children by the time we can afford it comes along, and going off for romantic weekends together, and just enjoying being the two of us.
We will be absolutely thrilled if we do eventually get pregnant with a healthy rainbow baby, but we are done with temping and charting and robotic scheduled sex. If we are meant to have children, they will come in their own time. I'm done saying I want to have children by the time I'm whatever age, now I'm saying, "If I have children, I will be happy to have them at whatever age I'm blessed to be given with them." When we began our TTC journey, I always said I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30, but here I am at 33 1/4 years and we only have our two angels and if that's all we get, then we'll have two angels waiting for us in heaven.
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